A “Cancer Mindset”
“You have cancer.” That three-word sentence is arguably one of the more difficult things a person could hear in their lifetime. While I didn’t hear that exact sentence, I saw it on the radiologist’s face and heard it in her voice. Dr. Meg Krishnan is an incredible radiologist at the MercyOne Breast Clinic in Waterloo, Iowa. She performed the ultrasound for me immediately following my first mammogram at the age of 39.
Dr. Meg carefully explained the suspicious grey spots on the ultrasound images, and my husband asked her a bold question. Kent is a calm and logical guy. He said, “Given your experience seeing so many of these, combined with her age, what are we looking at here? If you had to give a percentage…that she has cancer,” he trailed off.
I was simultaneously shocked and relieved at the boldness of his question. Laying on my right side on the imaging table, Dr. Meg placed her hands on me, one on my shoulder and one on my forearm. She empathetically said, “You came to me for a true and honest opinion. In my opinion, I would have to say that I am 95% certain.” Tears filled my eyes as she continued, “This is why we move forward with the biopsy and testing. I so hope I am proven wrong.” If there is an award for delivering the “You have cancer” news to a patient, Dr. Meg wins.
Beyond hearing my official Stage 2b breast cancer diagnosis from her three days later, the day after Mother’s Day, there were other sentiments difficult for me to process. Once we began sharing the news, things seemed to shift. It’s as if overnight I became a “warrior” and I heard things like, “cancer messed with the wrong girl,” and “you’re so strong,” and of course, “kick it’s a*s.” I completely understood people’s good intentions with their boxer-like metaphors to fire me up. We see that language plastered on nearly every cancer fundraising campaign. However, in my nearly 40 years on the planet, I don’t think friends and family would ever have described me as strong, tough, or a fighter. In fact, my first Google search after we decided where to receive treatment was, “What if fighting cancer does not resonate with me?”
My early Google search led to an article on Huffington Post where author, Stephanie Sliekers, states, “You know what alternative to these metaphors I appreciate? Cure. Treat. Prevent. Support. Help. These words are less anger-inducing and aggressive and place the focus where it belongs — on science, research, healthcare and patient supports.” Reading this allowed me to feel understood, exhale, and carry on. Shortly after my diagnosis, Senator John McCain’s brain cancer diagnosis was made public. Another powerful article emerged that resonated with me fully. Author Xeni Jardin wrote, “I grew up hearing cancer described as combat, something you “beat” if you’ve got enough “fight” in you. President Richard Nixon declared war on cancer when I was a baby. Military metaphors were familiar, but they stopped making sense when the war was me. My own body.” Amen sister. I had enough on my plate between growing my business and being a mom of two boys, 9 and 4 at the time, that I felt exhausted by the thought of “armoring up” to “fight” this invisible disease I knew very little about at the time.
Despite these feelings, this is not to say I am never competitive. I mean, I have been known to get a little intense during Couple’s Twilight Golf with a pair of socks on the line for winners. But I don’t wake up every morning looking to win at any cost (see Michael Jordan’s Last Dance documentary or Trey Kennedy’s Work Hype video). Heck, I even let my kids beat me at board games occasionally. Anyway, I absolutely loved every text, call, and card from well-wishers. It pumped me up! I just had this sinking feeling in my gut that I didn’t want to disappoint my supporters if I couldn’t magically transform into an American Gladiator (nod to the 90’s) overnight.
Given that my work leverages the Gallup Organization’s tools and assessments for leadership development and teambuilding, I knew that my quickest pathway to success was through the lens of my natural talents and strengths. Pitting me against some monster opponent like cancer is not the way to get the best of me. I understood that the best way for me to keep my tank as full as possible was to think, feel, and behave authentically.
Shortly after my diagnosis, I was sitting in my comfortable cream chair in my purple office and glanced at a variety of Gallup books from StrengthsFinder 2.0 to Strengths Based Leadership to Parenting with Your Strengths on my bookshelf. I wondered to myself, “Where is the book telling me how to survive with my strengths?” If people are successfully managing, leading, and parenting based on their unique talents, then it seemed fair to consider they can navigate cancer with them as well. Instantly, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as I realized I could help others by writing that book. “Aha! There is purpose hidden in this struggle,” I thought. I began to wonder if maybe this strengths drum I had been beating could help me in the fight of my life.
Call it research for the book or a desperate coping mechanism, but I decided to test this theory. I told myself, “It’s time to practice what you preach, sister.” I decided to develop an individualized, tailored roadmap of actions for cancer patients to consider. Obviously, leveraging your strengths during a cancer walk is not to replace any sort of medical treatment, but rather to accompany it. The CliftonStrengths assessment is a tool, like yoga or meditation practices, that can help people navigate adversity and life challenges. To date, it has been taken by over 24 million people globally. Its framework helped me feel strong during a time in my life where I was physically the weakest.
Here are a few examples of how I put my strengths to work through my walk with cancer:
Individualization® and Harmony® – I connected deeply with my friends and family through coffees, lunches, walks, texts, and emails. Unlike many cancer patients, I was fortunate to have a tremendous support system and the ability to reduce my work schedule.
Maximizer® and Arranger® – I love coordinating people and events around a common purpose, such as planning our high school reunions. Throwing parties is likely not the top recommendation in most cancer books. But having the knowledge that this would ironically fuel me, I organized a “Farewell to Hair” party where we cut my hair and sent it to Chemo Diva in Florida. They make halo wigs out of your own hair to wear under hats. It was one of my favorite days during my six months of treatment.
Learner® – I met with numerous breast cancer survivors, read many resources, bought new recipe books, and joined a local support group for starters. Gathering more information from experts provided me energy which helped combat the simultaneous timing of chemo depleting it.
Belief® - I joined the incredible team of women with the Beyond Pink Team in grass roots advocacy work along with National Breast Cancer Coalition advocates across the country lobbying our state senators and representatives on our top legislative and public policy priorities.
In addition to the advantage I gained by being intentional with how I spent my time and energy, I also observed how the strengths of my loved ones and health care team fueled me too. As they showed up with their A games, I felt my energy levels rise as well. Here are a few examples I observed of their incredible strengths:
My husband used his Analytical® talents with the radiologist the day of my first mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsies when he specifically asked for the percentage that I had cancer. It may sound odd, but it was a relief knowing that percentage over Mother’s Day weekend so we could begin strategizing and preparing for our next steps. If he didn’t ask the question, we’d have spent the whole weekend in back-and-forth debate mode which is worse than knowing the hard truth.
My mom put her Empathy® and Restorative® talents to work while visiting to make meals, fold laundry, and shuttle the kids places. She also drove me around Iowa so I could save my energy to deliver workshops, and we lovingly referred to those road trips as “Driving Miss Traci,” with my loving 72 year-old mother behind the wheel and me dozing off with my bald head reclined in the passenger seat.
My younger sister is the ECMO Co-Director at Children’s Mercy in Kansas City. When I called her from the hospital parking lot to share it was likely breast cancer, she let out a wailing cry that I had never heard from her before nor since. She showed up with her #1 strength of Empathy® in that precise moment exactly when I needed it. With her raw emotion, combined with her Communication® strength and eloquent words, she gave me permission to truly feel that it was ok to be sad right now.
My oncologist is awesome, and we share the strength of Learner®. When I showed up at appointments with numerous questions and a desire to learn more, Dr. Sneha Phadke referred me to an oncology psychologist, an integrative doctor, and a cancer dietician so I could continue digging in and growing. She also has the strength of Developer® which she uses beautifully in her role as an educator to fellows and residents on her team at UIHC.
My breast surgeon, Dr. Sonia Sugg, blew me away with her sheer intellect, her research knowledge, and her ability to distill it effectively for patients. One of her strengths is called Deliberative® which she showcased beautifully as I considered my surgical treatment options. She taught me about a term called “decision regret,” and thoughtfully guided me through my options and potential ramifications of each.
As I move forward with this project, I am looking to connect with cancer survivors to briefly interview them to uncover how they navigated or are currently navigating their journeys. I am listening carefully and mining for the uniqueness in each story to create material that will help others customize their walk with this disease. Here are just a few examples I have captured from the journeys of other survivors:
Sarah Corkery is the VP of Marketing for Veridian Credit Union, a mother to three, a breast cancer advocate at the national level, and a philanthropist who casually raised one million dollars for an inclusive park in our community. She is also my cancer mentor and great friend, just one of the gifts to come out of this initial nightmare. During our first lunch together, Sarah shared that she made some medical decisions based on how much time various options would take her away from work. Blown away by her tenacity and drive, I asked Sarah how she balanced work with treatments and how many vacation days she used. Sarah stopped eating her salad and feistily replied, “Cancer’s not getting any of my PTO (Paid Time Off).” You see, one of Sarah’s top talent themes is Competition® and seeing cancer as her opposition was a motivator for this rock star mom.
Kristin Teig Torres is the Assistant Director of the Center for Community Engagement at Wartburg College, a mother of two, a breast cancer advocate at the national level, and an incredible actress in community productions. Diagnosed with breast cancer in 2009, she soon dug into advocacy work with the Beyond Pink Team after the loss of her friend, Anne Christensen Doyle, who passed away in 2012. In an interview with the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier Kristin said, “She died trying to make a difference and trying to end breast cancer, so I went to my first National Breast Cancer Coalition (NBCC) leadership summit the year after she died. We can’t just be a nation of people who just sit and let problems pass them by.” In speaking with Kristin, I was struck by the sheer amount of time she has devoted to advocacy work in over a decade. She serves on the local Beyond Pink TEAM’s Advocacy Committee, completed Project LEAD with the NBCC, and is relentless in her commitment to meeting with our state senators and representatives. When I asked more about this drive and devotion, Kristin passionately replied, “You have to be political about it if you want to save lives.” Is that a mic drop or what? Kristin has a strength called Belief® which she has clearly honored and developed during the thousands of hours she has committed toward ending breast cancer. Thank you, Kristin.
For the skeptics and eye-rollers, I get it. You may consider assessments, psychology, and teambuilding exercises cheesy, a waste of time, or just plain soft. While I am crystal clear that my tumors didn’t care that I was using my strengths as a competitive advantage, I am also certain that my mindset and energy was improved because of it. Many cancer patients receive a grim prognosis, and it is only a matter of time before the disease takes their lives. The American Cancer Society’s 2021 Cancer Facts & Figures Report states, “there will be 1.9 million new cancer cases diagnosed in 2021 and over 608,000 Americans are expected to die of cancer this year.” I quickly became a student of this disease and learned that one in three people in the U.S. will be diagnosed with cancer in their lifetime, and one in eight women will receive a breast cancer diagnosis like me. Yep, you may want to read that last statement again. I knew…but I didn’t KNOW…
The actions and approaches I continue to gather from cancer survivors further validate how there's often not a single right way of doing things. Maybe we can "beat cancer," the most common rallying cry, in our own ways and on our own terms. In fact, I am pretty sure we can…because I did.
Note: If you are a healthcare professional and would like to improve engagement levels on your team or in your organization, please contact me at my website: www.followyourstrengths.com.